{"id":1195,"date":"2023-11-27T09:00:20","date_gmt":"2023-11-27T15:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.allaboutlearningpress.com\/?p=1195"},"modified":"2024-09-04T15:06:38","modified_gmt":"2024-09-04T20:06:38","slug":"ideas-for-handling-tears-and-frustration","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.allaboutlearningpress.com\/ideas-for-handling-tears-and-frustration\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Handle Tears and Frustration in Your Homeschool"},"content":{"rendered":"\"Teen\r\n\r\n

Do spelling lessons make your child want to throw her pencil across the room? Do tears seem to go hand-in-hand with learning to read? Are you walking on eggshells, wondering how the \u201cdreaded\u201d subject will go today?<\/p>\r\n\r\n

When kids struggle, moms tend to blame themselves … <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n

\"I must not know how to teach this subject...maybe I shouldn\u2019t be teaching!\"<\/p> \r\n\r\n

... or they blame their child ...<\/p>\r\n\r\n

\" 'She\u2019s just lazy.' 'He doesn\u2019t pay attention.' 'My children don\u2019t apply themselves.' \"<\/p>\r\n\r\n

It\u2019s truly difficult to work with a child who just shuts down. Merry Marinello is a veteran homeschool mom and is part of our customer service team here at All About Learning Press. In this post, Merry offers 9 tips for dealing with tears and frustrations in your homeschool.<\/p>\r\n\r\n

Here's Merry ...<\/h2>\r\n\r\n
    \r\n\r\n\t
  1. \r\n

    Don\u2019t be afraid to take a break when your child has reached a critical point.<\/h3>\r\n

    Stop and have a snack or eat some lunch, then sit down later and have a casual conversation. \"So, I've noticed spelling really upsets you sometimes. Why is that?\" Dig around until you find some of the frustration points, and don't necessarily try to solve the problem right then\u2014mainly listen and sympathize. \"You're right, that part of spelling is<\/span> really hard.\" During the course of your conversation, you might find out something that will help you address issues with your child in the future. He might make a comment about a particular curriculum that pushes him over the edge, or you may be able to get an understanding of what he thinks your expectations are. You might even learn something about how he views himself.<\/p><\/li>\r\n\r\n

  2. After listening to your child\u2019s frustrations, open up dialogue with your child.<\/h3> \r\n

    Ask him what would help when he gets frustrated. Sometimes my children weren\u2019t sure what would help, so I would talk with them about a \"self-control toolbox.\u201d We all have frustrations, but how do we deal with them? How does Daddy deal with them? How does Mommy? I remember one day I was late for something and couldn't find my car keys, and suddenly it clicked\u2014I was modeling how to have a full-blown temper tantrum!<\/p>\r\n\r\n\"Mom\r\n\r\n

    Yup, that\u2019s me, having a full-blown temper tantrum.<\/p>\r\n\r\n

    Normally, I'm pretty calm and pleasant, but overwhelm me in a few ways, and there I was ranting and crying over lost car keys. (I laugh about it now!) So the self-control toolbox was a good reminder to me, too! Am I perfect? Nope. Are you perfect? Nope. Let\u2019s not expect perfection from our children, either. Can we grow and learn to be more self-controlled? Absolutely\u2014I started working on it and continue to do so.<\/p><\/li>\r\n\r\n

  3. Fill your \u201cself-control toolbox.\u201d <\/h3> \r\n

    Here are some of the toolbox items that worked for me: get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, go for a short walk, shoot some hoops for five minutes, lay down for five to ten minutes, ask for help, pray,<\/span> and so on, and then we would come back to try again. A mini-tramp or regular trampoline would be good in this situation, too.<\/p> \r\n\r\n

    These activities let children burn off some adrenaline so that they can relax. My son would say he felt like punching something, so I suggested his pillow. But mostly I try to encourage my children toward exercise or appropriate chores\u2014something they can use their muscles to do or something to accomplish. We tried jumping jacks and marching, too. I found marching to be particularly helpful, and any exercise that encourages right-left brain connection might also be useful.<\/p><\/li>\r\n\r\n

  4. Discuss the idea that we all have things we're good at and things we have to work at.<\/h3>\r\n\r\n

    Good examples could include swimming or music lessons, learning to ride a bike, learning to tie shoelaces, and so on. Try to find something that your child can relate to. Then give examples of things that you have to work hard at yourself. For example, I was recently trying to figure out how to change some things with my website, and I had to read some articles multiple times to even understand whether the \u201csolution\u201d applied to my situation! This type of example can be helpful for a child.<\/p><\/li>\r\n\r\n

  5. Keep the funnel concept<\/a> in mind.<\/h3> \r\n\r\n

    Some subjects can require multiple steps, and when a subject brings in new concepts, you might need to spend the first day or two reviewing previous concepts. Then, on the third day, you might be able to work through the new teaching. In the case of All About Spelling<\/cite>, some students may need explicit demonstrations of all ten new words after doing some review. Take time to help your student as much as needed. If you need to walk through every math problem with your child before he or she tries out a new algorithm, that\u2019s okay. If reading is a struggle, find out why more than 60% of children in the United States struggle with learning to read<\/a>1 2<\/sup>, and then see what you can do to help. Remember, children with learning disabilities are working ten times harder to accomplish less than those without disabilities. Sometimes it doesn't look like work on the outside, so it's good for us to try to remember that it is work for them.<\/p><\/li>\r\n\r\n

  6. Try to be intuitive and \"predict\" problems before they occur.<\/h3> \r\n\r\n

    If you can make the exercise seem \u201cgame-like\u201d and not \"test-like\" for your child, it will really help. Some kids are such perfectionists that they hate for anyone to see them mess up\u2014and when you combine that kind of trait with learning struggles or a disability, it's a tough combination to work through. Sometimes you can head this off by clearly defining your expectations ahead of time.<\/p><\/li>\r\n\r\n

  7. Think through what you<\/span> do when you're<\/span> frustrated.<\/h3> \r\n\r\n

    See if those things could help your child--or maybe you'll find things to work on yourself, as I did! Think of it as trying to find your child\u2019s \"reset button.\" What will help your child reset when he or she feels out of control like this?<\/p><\/li>\r\n\r\n

  8. Let your children know you're on their side and that you're working together<\/span>.<\/h3> \r\n\r\n

    Spelling, math, and other tough subjects aren't optional, but you can work together to find solutions. I told my kids that this meant that I would listen and make accommodations\u2014and it also meant that they would try to learn self-control, be willing to try hard things, and try to communicate with me when things were too difficult.<\/p><\/li>\r\n\r\n

  9. You may find additional help in our online Resource Center<\/a>.<\/h3> \r\n\r\n

    We also provide free lifetime support for all our programs. If you hit a trouble spot, please don\u2019t hesitate to email us<\/a>, and we\u2019ll help you come up with a solution. Some days are really rough. Hang in there!<\/p><\/li>\r\n\r\n\"Happy\r\n\r\n

    If your kids (or you!) are experiencing tears and frustration over reading or spelling, be sure to check out the free e-book, \u201c20 Best Tips for Teaching Reading and Spelling<\/a>.\u201d <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n

    \"Free<\/a><\/span>